I'm very close to chucking it all in. It's not even the marathon per se, more a reflection of where I am in life right now. Well, it's partly the running. I'd been soaring, really proud of my training and my fitness improvements. And I was fuelling myself well. Approaching the end of week 2, and Storm Dennis was making outdoor training grossly unappealing. I was scheduled to do 6 miles last weekend, went out with a group to do 10 miles and ended up doing 11.4 miles. But by the end, I was really fed up, and bored. Too much too soon and I totally lost my love, right there. Add in a large dose of mum/ wife guilt for being out for so long. Oh, and then follow that with routine disappearing for half term and eating my way through Tuesday and Wednesday.
Basically I have definitely not been stronger than my strongest excuse, my mental health and eating patterns have taken a massive dive, and my current state of catastrophising and feeling like a failure is just making me want to fulfil that self-pitying prophecy and call it a day.
Tomorrow morning I'm heading out on a suck it and see run. Officially the plan says 7 miles. But, given that it's totally gone out of the window this week, I'm just going to run loops and see what my body is saying to me. Recovery from 11+ miles on my knees and back has taken most of the week, and my only exercise has been swimming, static bike and walking. So, I guess I'll know more tomorrow...
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