Friday, 6 March 2020

A Pivotal Week

Monday, 2nd March 2020

A good day energy and mood wise, although about three times today my ankle has suddenly developed pain and I've been unable to do more than hobble around for a few minutes. Following my blog post this morning, a couple of friends got in touch to suggest I run the half marathon instead. As obvious as it seems, it hadn't occurred to me. I mean, it did originally but I dismissed it as I think I needed a bigger shock to get me training. Just perhaps not that much of a shock!

I have emailed Macmillan to ask if it is hypothetically possible. However, then I looked up half marathon race info and it's an 8am start! No apparent public transport options on a Sunday to get me to the start from the hotel. So that is potentially a non starter anyway. Unless I taxi it 🤔 Or enter a completely different, more local, half marathon for Macmillan. Or swim the Channel, equivalent. Or do a skydive. (Just kidding mum. I get bored swimming as well).

30 minutes completed on exercise bike this evening, cranked up the resistance. Head, shoulders, knees and toes all feeling fine 👍

Tuesday, 3rd March 2020

“Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway? But you say, ‘I can’t help it. I’m addicted to alien gods. I can’t quit.’ Jeremiah 2:25 MSG https://bible.com/bible/97/jer.2.25.MSG

The Lord's call to 'slow down' is welcome. In slowness there is time to check in with ourselves, those around us and God. To ask if our lifestyles are sustainable- for our own mental health, the good of our relationships and the future of creation.

Slowing down forces me to consider if I am living well. The creator invites me into an abundance which is about more than personal achievements. It is a life of connection: with people, with planet and the one who breathes hope into my being.

Notes from Alive- a lent devotional by Tearfund.

Wednesday, 4th March 2020

So, everything reached a climax yesterday. Emails back and forth to Macmillan exploring options, and I too was looking at alternative events I could enter. But, ultimately, they do have their supporters' health as paramount and were clear that they did not want me to push myself for any event if I am in pain. I made a decision to pull out of Edinburgh and not commit to another event at this time.

Initially the relief was palpable! By evening, I was somewhat in the emotional slumps and didn't get to the gym last night as planned. However, I did enjoy a 3 mile run this morning. And I mean really enjoy (apart from the fallydowny leggings and rideyuppy top 🤦‍♀️)! I'm still hoping to keep the running going, but I have had more random ankle pain today so I think it's back to aqua fit for me in the short term.

To all those that sponsored me, thank you! I have requested Macmillan refund all sponsors. This may take up to 20 days to process. I appreciate some may have been happy for their donation to stand, but it feels fraudulent to not first refund then allow individuals to decide. Mark and I will make a donation to Macmillan ourselves, in lieu of this, as we have seen first hand the brilliant work they do.

Thursday, 5th March

Today felt like being in one of those Choose Your Own Adventure books, just the exercise edition! This morning I chose to use my child free time to do housework, and deferred exercise to evening time, planning on gym. Evening came. I felt tired. I had stomach cramps. I wanted to sack it off.

After putting kids to bed I chose exercise gear over PJs. I lay on the sofa for a bit, fighting sleep. But, already being in my gear, I flicked on Masterchef and got out the exercise bike. I pushed myself and followed up with some lunges, plank and press ups. I feel phenomenal now. I feel strong. I feel proud.

It can be so easy to find reasons not to. Thankful today that the determination won out. And it has helped to slightly offset the delicious traybake I devoured earlier 👍

Friday, 6th March

So, this then will be my last entry. Despite it having been a challenging day in many ways, I want to end on a positive. I logged into Facebook today for the first time in a week and was blessed by the support from friends on my previous post. My brain twisted this into something else, and knowing the decision that had already been made, guilt has been my predominant emotion- that I have not followed through on what I set out to do.

However, I have to be proud that I have had the wisdom to know myself and my limitations, and the courage to act on that. I think the mind is a massively powerful thing. And, particularly in events like marathon training, I am in awe of people who are able to harness that mental strength and persevere (me! I did that once!). But I will also applaud people who have the courage to say 'enough' instead of carrying on out of stubbornness, pride, or fear of others' opinions (also me!).

And so, here I end. I never expected Marathon Woman to make a reappearance. Despite pulling the plug, I cannot regret giving it another go. I do not have enough physical, mental or emotional resources to meet the challenge. But I am a stronger and wiser person for having tried, and have rediscovered a love of running that I had lost. Thank you Marathon Woman. Now go rest.

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